Not Enough & Too Much: The Hidden Bind So Many Women Carry

A reflection on the twin stories that keep us small ~ and the truth that sets us free

So many women carry a quiet, persistent question: Am I enough?

I hear it in the voices of clients, friends, family, women leaders ~ and in women everywhere. I hear it in their words, and just as often, in their unconscious behavior. 

Am I good enough? Smart enough? Strong enough? Pretty, confident, successful, thin, accomplished enough?

This question often takes root in childhood. Sometimes it’s asked out loud, but more often, it’s internalized through subtle expectations ~ from family, culture, school, media. We learn early that being loved or accepted often depends on how well we perform, please, behave, or fit in.

And so we begin a lifelong pattern of striving: Overworking. Overgiving. Over-accommodating and pleasing. Trying to prove that we are finally ~ enough.

But here’s the painful twist: the moment we begin to take up space ~ to speak, feel, stand tall,nbsp; or express our full selves ~ another fear rises: What if I’m too much?

Too sensitive. Too emotional. Too loud. Too ambitious. Too opinionated. Too strong.

The Twin Stories: Not Enough and Too Much

The fear of not being enough and the fear of being too much are sisters ~ both rooted in the same conditioning. They appear opposite, but they serve the same purpose: to keep us small, safe, and contained.

To make us question our worth and our internal wisdom. To disconnect us from our power, our truth, our voice… and, our souls.

So we learn to edit. To shrink. To dim. To swing between striving and silencing ~ unsure where we’re “allowed” to land.

And all the while, our real selves ~ our full presence, needs, and brilliance ~ remain hidden beneath the question.

The Impact of Living in the In-Between

Living in this double bind is exhausting. It leads to burnout, self-doubt, perfectionism, shame, and disconnection. It shows up in our work, our relationships, our leadership, our creativity ~ and most painfully, in our relationship with ourselves.

A Different Way

But here’s what I’ve come to believe ~ and now guide others to remember:

You are not too much. You were never not enough. You are exactly who you are meant to be.

The truth of your worth doesn’t live out there ~ in productivity, approval, or perfection. It lives within. It’s in your inner knowing, your integrity, your wholeness, your light.

And when we begin to shine a light on these patterns ~ with compassion, not judgment ~ we can begin to gently unravel them. We come home to ourselves.

We claim our worth, wisdom, and light. We begin to lead our lives from what I call, Soulful Self-Leadership ~ rooted in love and truth, not fear.

This Is What We Need to Be Talking About

These stories ~ of not enough and too much ~ are not just personal. They are collective.

This is what women need to be talking about with each other more often ~ in our circles, in our workspaces, in our communities, and in sacred moments of truth-telling.

We are awakening to the inner cost of the old conditioning. We’re awakening to the possibility of a different way: One where we no longer diminish ourselves to belong or strive endlessly to prove our worth. One where we lift each other up instead of silently carrying the same wound in isolation.

Because the world needs the worth, wisdom, and light of women now more than ever.

This is the work we must come together around: To voice what we’ve been taught to hide. To name what we’ve been afraid to feel. To remind one another that healing is possible.

When we speak these truths aloud, we not only free ourselves, we help other women do the same. Isn’t freedom what we truly long for?

A Closing Reflection

So I ask you gently: Where in your life have you felt the pull of not enough? Where have you feared being too much?

What if the truth was neither?

What if you allowed yourself to be fully you ~ without shrinking, striving, or apologizing? What if we inspired other women in our presence or those we lead to be fully themselves? For when we ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, shrink, strive, or apologize, we often expect women to match us in the same behavior.

This is the healing. This is the work. This is the beginning of remembering: You are already enough. More than enough. Whole, human, and deeply worthy … messily and beautifully human. But this is not about hearing this to believe it, it's about experiencing it, to know it.

Let’s connect and create spaces for women to awaken to this vulnerable and powerful truth.